Life Makeover

If you are like most people, you may have decided to make a few New Year’s Resolutions to welcome 2010. If so, you’re in good company. But I want to offer you a twist before you get started – and that is a list of 3 funny new years resolutions that anyone can make.

Funny Resolution Number #1: Extensive Training For The Couch Potato Olympics

Most people will likely make a resolution to exercise more. If you spend any time online, or walk into any bookstore, there are numerous books, audios programs fitness DVDs to support the fact that you should be exercising. But not you, you’re a trendsetter.

This year you’re in training for a set of special games called The Couch Potato Olympics. And this grueling competition will show you just what you’re made of. To bring home the gold, your objective is to see how many hours it takes before there is an indentation of your butt on the couch. You must be committed and devote countless hours to sitting on the couch and doing absolutely nothing.

Go ahead and pick your nose for extra credit. Start training for the Olympics and remember your coach’s orders — no exercising.  Louning is the new sprinting and be sure to press down hard while working on that butt indentation on the couch. This will help you to bring home the gold. Forget the fact that this could be harmful to your health. Who cares about exercising? Not you. Make us proud. Future couch potatoes are counting on you.

Funny Resolution Number #2: Doing More Housework

I know how much you love housework. If you spend any time watching TV, whether cable or satellite programming, there’s a plethora of channels devoted to showing you how much fun can be yours with the cleaning products they sell. There’s so much joy and excitment to be had doing more housework.

There are products for just about all cleaning functions. Mopping, sweeping, swiffing oh my! Don’t forget about dust and eradicating dust mites. And there’s always a stubborn stain or two to remove. With all then fun you’re having, you may not have time for cooking, so you may have ease up a tad on the housework so you can create Martha Stewart inspired dinners. And the recipes are endless.

With so much fun you’re having, there’s no need to consider hiring a cleaning service. For the small amount of money they charge, all they would do is deprive you of the fun that comes with doing more housework. So don’t even consider this as an option. Keep all the fun housework to yourself. And don’t even THINK about asking other household members for help.

Funny Resolution Number #3: See How Many Hours You Can Watch TV

This is going to be a bit of a challenge for some of you. I know for a fact there’s television programming around the clock. So, the hardest part is deciding what shows and movies you’re going to watch.

Now this is where strategy comes into play. You have to pace yourself. Remember, you have to see how many hours you can watch TV for the year. Don’t worry about spending time with your spouse, girlfriend or boyfriend, or significant other. Forget playing with the kids, they’re probably busy with their TV or Internet time. Everyone will understand.

They know how much you value TV and won’t want to be the one to interrupt your bonding time with in front of the Tube. Plus, this is an activity that goes hand-in-hand with funny resolution number #1. It’s the perfect partnership.

So now you have a strategy. Don’t forget that you can use eye-drops if your eyes get tired. Be sure to massage your thumb often. It has a big job of changing the channels on your remote control.

You must neglect everything in life and give your TV time the respect it deserves. If your life falls apart, don’t worry, take comfort in the fact that TV will always be there for you.

Don’t feel that you always have to make serious New Year’s resolutions. Sometimes the funny new years resolutions will provide the irony you need to make positive changes for 2010 and beyond. In all seriousness, you can just start doing the opposite of what I recommended.

These were fun to write, partly because we all feel this way sometimes. It’s okay to admit that you don‘t always want to work on your goals. I sometimes refer to these times as goal-free days when you just take time away from focusing on your goals and resolutions.